That's a new one

Usually when I get flirts from guys, they’re the typical “I’m interested in you”. Sometimes I’ll get a “Wink” or a “You’re cute”, but today…today!...I got a “Kiss”! My goodness. REXXIE ain’t messing around. Too bad I won’t be responding. Sorry Rexxie. The fact that you only live miles away (in Mesa) and that you’re first contact with me was an unabashed cyber-kiss, tells me that you’re only interested in one thing. Namely, kissing. Unfortunately for you, I’m not looking for a quick hook-up—even though I suspect that 75% of the people on these sites are. So go blow your skeezie cyber smooches elsewhere!

I don't get it

More often than not, I choose not to respond to the flirts that I get—because the guys they come from just aren’t for me. I get turned off by their pictures or the things they say, or maybe by something in their profile. I’ll admit—I’m a snap-judgement kind of person. My opinion may change later on—but without a doubt, I definitely make up my mind about things/people right away. Anyway, two days ago, I received a flirt from not one, but two, potentially interesting subjects! Both of them are good looking; both of them have intriguing profiles; meaning that they’re educated, well-spoken, and seem to have some depth. Hot dog! Eyes gleaming, I set my fingers to work, eagerly penning a little note to each.

A day goes by. I hear nothing from either of them. Later that night, I’m on the computer and see that one of them is online. I wait for a few minutes to go by, to see if he’ll open a chat window up with me. **Sidenote: The waiting phase is a little awkward. Have you ever seen “The Hunt for Red October”? There’s this really intense scene, when two enemy subs are under the water, pointed right at each other, with their torpedo doors open, both just waiting to see what the other one will do. Who will fire first? Will one of them fire? Anyway, when I’m online and see that a certain guy is also online, and that we both KNOW that the other is online, it’s like…who will make contact first? Will someone make contact? Do we pretend we’re not looking at the other person or do we make a move? So as I’m considering opening a chat window with this guy, I suddenly see that the other guy has now gotten online. Both handsome, intriguing suitors are right there--available to talk! We’re like submarines, facing each other in the water, torpedo doors open and poised to attack. But who will go first? More time goes by. I wait impatiently. This is silly, I think to myself. Why am I wasting time? So I make the move and open a chat window with both of them (separately of course).

I wait a few minutes for a response….then a few more minutes… neither of them take the bait! But I can see that they’re still online, so they MUST know that I’m trying to chat with them. And this is when I start to go, “Well maybe he’s (either of them) not interested in me.” Now I feel a little foolish that I’m trying to converse. But wait a minute—he’s the one who sent me a flirt. Why is he being a jerk?! And then I start thinking different scenarios: Maybe he sent me the flirt accidentally; maybe he just went through a whole slew of profiles, sending all the girls flirts—casting his net wide, to see what kind of response he’d get—and I responded, but I wasn’t the one he really wanted to hear back from. Then I’m mad. Then I’m disappointed. Then I’m trying to give both of them the benefit of the doubt. Then I’m mad again. So I log off and go to bed, perturbed.

It’s been two days now and I’ve heard nothing from either man. Are they just busy with productive, meaningful lives? Or do they both somehow regret “flirting” with me and mean to ignore me? I don’t like not knowing, and I HATE feeling unsure. So I won’t. I’m done with those two. If either of them contact me, great. If not, fine. And I won’t try to make torpedo contact with them.

Pardon me while I vomit

I just discovered this tab on the dating website that i'd never seen before. It's called "success stories". Hmm. Intriguing. I know that every other week, when i'm feeling motivated about losing weight, I like to look at success stories and before/after pics on sites like The Biggest Loser, and what-not. so i thought...let's check this out. (You want the tip-off that i'm annoyed already? i'm slacking on my grammar. not capitalizing. that's right. irritation equals laziness in grammatical clarity.) So i clicked on the link. Now, I guess some of the testimonials were okay. A few got me feeling hopeful and excited; a few were grossly sappy and cliche; but this one--this one...c'mon.

We met each other online on 2/18/08. For the first two days we talked on the phone for hours. We meet each other in person on the third day. That following Wednesday, I told her I was in love with her and she reciprocated the same back to me. On 2/28/08 I asked her to marry me. She accepted. Its been the most awesome and fantastic experience that has ever happened to both of us. Salt Lake City, UT

Now tell me----HROUUGUHAHHTHHHTHHTTTAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Sorry. That was me hurling again. Tell me that isn't for real. They pay someone to go in and write fake "testimonials". They have to. I don't know why that little blurb ticked me off so much, but man, it did!

Not interested

So two guys tried to start chats with me tonight, but I just wasn’t feeling it. One was DARTHTATER, an obese comedian from West Virginia, who never finished high school and is now 35 years old; and GUNSLINGER, a 30 year old divorcee, with 2 kids, a receding hairline, and horrendous grammar. Lucky me. I tried to humor GUNSLINGER for a bit, but just couldn’t do it. He was asking me questions and I thought, ‘You know what? I don’t want him to know what I do, or where I work’. Bless his little gun-toting heart. Seriously, if you don’t live in Arizona and we don’t have the option to meet, then it’s a waste of my time. I have to MEET a guy to know if he’s in the running. You know? Now…if GUNSLINGER said he was independently wealthy and could fly out to see me any time he wanted, then I might give him a second thought. Well…maybe not. I’m still not sure how I feel about divorced dudes. I suppose I’ll have to consider those on a case by case basis. Anyway, I just wasn’t in the mood to chit-chat with someone I won’t have the chance to meet.

Sidenote: One of my friends is on the same dating site as me and guess what?—She’s seeing a guy she met online! So…with her permission, we’ll have to track her status… :)