Online Dating Undercover: Part 2

"Screen Names"

So when you create a profile you have to invent a unique moniker for yourself, instead of using your real name. Safety first, people. The screen name should indicate something about you in about two words or less. I wonder how long people stew over making these up.

Here are some of the names of guys who have “Viewed” my account (don't worry, I altered these all just slightly so as to preserve privacy):

• DANTHEMAN (Dan, does anyone besides yourself call you ‘the man’? I think not)
• DEVILDOC (I don’t even know what to make of this one. All I can picture is Steve Martin in Little Shop of Horrors)
• PYROBOY (really? Are you ten? Do you take a magnifying glass out to the playground at recess and try to incinerate ants?
• LOANPREZ (maybe he’s in finance; but is he really a company president?)
• MRRIGHTNOW (seriously?)
• JELLYFISHFUN (now does that really sound like the kind of title a mature man should post? No, it sounds like the title of a children’s cartoon)
• STEELERSFAN (wouldn’t it be funny if he said something like METHFAN?)
• VAUGHNDAVID (unoriginal, and do you really want to put your full name out there? But hey…keep an eye on this one. He’s cute!)
• THESTEVEBOMB (okay, just like Dan the Man up there, don’t call yourself the bomb. That’s an immediate tip off that you have to write things like that to convince yourself that you’re cool. Please don’t).
• SHYGUY (not so original, but it actually makes me immediately go, Aww, cute. Unless he’s a perverted, pathological liar and is only using the shy card to lure unsuspecting, sympathetic girls into his web. I was once lured in by one of these sticky spiders. The whole planetary male race should blame him for 85% of my untrustingness of men.)
• FIREWALKER1 (hmm…firefighter or circus act?)
• BEACHRUNNER (if you weren’t a flabby middle aged man I might believe you)
• LOOKING4UQT (eww)

And the list goes on and on. Don't worry, I'll be sharing more of these later.