DECEIT!!!

I haven't been a very diligent cyber-dater lately. I apologize. So this week I logged on to see who'd been checking me out and if I had any messages, and while I was online, I got a chat request from someone. So I shrugged and opened the chat window. It turned out to be a guy that I'd never seen before named...we'll call him Max. So Max and I chatted for a while, and we automatically seemed to click, having the same sense of humor (which is HUGE for me). While we're talking, I opened up his profile so I could get a better feel for who I was talking to, and of course see what he looks like. Max only has one picture posted, but it's cute! Very appealing to me, because he looks big and burly and huggable. Perfect. He lives in another state, but apparently he has family here, so its very likely that we could meet someday.

I had to cut the conversation short, but before I did, he asked for my regular email address, and gave me his. Now, in giving me his email address, Max also revealed his last name, and being that I am my mother's daughter...I knew I immediatley had to Google him. Aren't you proud, Mom? :) I found Max's myspace page. And on that page I found Max's picture. Max's current picture. And...my smile faded. It looks like Maxie boy posted an old, more flattering picture of himself on the dating website (shocker) and a current, realistic picture on his myspace.

I'm disappointed, okay? The dude on myspace is NOT attractive to me. In fact, I do believe I made an audible noise, something close to, "Ew". Yes. True story. So I'm turned off to Max now because he's doing some false advertising. I'm not just gonna pull the plug like that, and maybe the myspace picture is the old one, but I don't really think that's the case.

Shallow? I don't think so. You know what you're attracted to and what you're not attracted to. Here. Here are the two pictures I'm talking about. This is who I thought I was talking to:

















Cute! Right? And this is who I was really talking to:


















Tell me you're not with me.

More glorious mug shots!

Snippets

So since my date last week, I've kind of taken a break from the website. I decided to call it quits with Clark the Texter (no chemistry) and take a little breather. Don't worry. I'll hop back in there this week and whip up some action with some lucky boy or other. But in the meantime, for your enjoyment, I thought I'd give you a little taste of some of the stuff these men write in their profiles...


“I like comedies. I like laughing. I enjoy good food. I also enjoy dives. I just saw the movie UP. I don't think I can handle anybody else's kids.”
--AWAKEINSEATTLE

"Im quite eloquent and rather lazy."
--POODLER

"A connoisseur of humanity, I savor the individual charisma of the good in the many unique differences of character and personality in people. My personality is... Thought it'd be that easy? Then you truly have been lulled by the sultry sirens of the modern, give me everything now, world in which we live. You may be more successful in depicting the Sistine Chapel or Beethoven’s 5th in 1250 chars. Per chance, can you describe a gourmet meal in the like and do it justice. No, my personality portrait you must paint in the broad and narrow strokes of interaction! Adventuresses, do you dare? If you are not so blinded by the destination that you lose touch to the beautiful nuances of the journey, I invite you to come discover an undiscovered country! You may just make a friend. You may just...”
--ZENITH

"Alright sisters, I'm just going to put this out there. The experts have said that the secret to a happy marriage is for women to choose a partner that is less atractive than themselves. I hearby volunteer my services to all you...."
--BLACKCLOUD

"need a women who will accept me as i am now, and understand im interested in marriage, the future will get better if we follow christ together and lets make a big family"
--CHRISLAWMAN

**And my personal favorite...

"any women out there not sucked in by the disease of Twilight? if so let me know"
--SCARYBONES

Online Dating Undercover: Part 20

DATE #2

So this past weekend I had my second face-to-face date with one of these online blokes. It was okay. Not horrible, not stellar. Just okay. It was with Clark the texter, who turned out to be really nice and who had a great sense of humor. Which I had already ascertained from our various communications pre-date. But just like with my first date (a few weeks ago with DEPUTYDOG), I discovered that a little of his personal appearance stats had been fudged. i.e. Clark's profile claims he's 6' tall, but in my 2 inch wedges, we were almost at eye-level. And I'm 5' 4". Lame.

I mean, I amended my profile a while back and made sure that my pictures are a combination of like head shots and body shots, so that these guys know what they're getting into--and that home girl's got some curvy girth (that's a good term, huh?).

Anyway, for me the deciding factor was that I had absolutely no physical attraction to him. Which was the same with the last guy too, except that Clark had loads more personality. So...I'm done with him. We can still chat a little if he wants, but I'm ready to keep on moving.

Yeehaw!

Part 19 Follow-Up

So...it's been a few days since I sent RICKYBOBBY13 my friendly--okay, my blistering email.

Sadly...there was no reply. Am I really that surprised? No. But I'll tell ya, 25% of me really wanted to get a scathing email back from a guy telling me, in no uncertain terms, that he really is filthy rich and that he's had such-and-such horrible experiences in the past, and that his reasons for writing that one line are completely justified, like its any of my business anyway, and that the other information written about himself is indeed factual, and Who do I think I am to attack him in such a manner!

I was kind of hoping for a little battle of wits and words! Darn. I can tell that RICKYBOBBY13 hasn't logged onto the website since the day after I sent my message. Conclusion: all of my suspicions were correct!!--and he abandoned this profile and created a new one, where I can't find him. Hahahahaha!

Oh, sigh...It's the little things that make life fun! "Meanie...sneakie...Jump at you! Bite at you!" (That's a quote from Cinderella, in reference to the pompous, wicked, fat cat, Lucifer).

Online Dating Undercover: Part 19

Oh my goodness. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I confuse myself. There's this dude named RICKYBOBBY13 who keeps looking at my profile. He has no photos, yet the limited information provided is encouraging: it says he's 6' 4", got his Doctorate, works for the airlines, is temple worthy, etc. However, the only line written in his whole profile is this: "I'm filthy rich and looking for a woman to spend my money."

And something about that just rubbed me the wrong way. Right? NO guy is just looking for a women to spend his money. Lies!! I mean, what's he trying to pull? So...being the sweet-minded pacifist that I am, I sent him the following message:

"I don't know if, by writing that, you're actually looking for a mindless, trophy wife who only wants to shop all day? Or if you're setting a trap for a blood-sucking gold digger, so that later you can really stick it to her when you drive up to meet her the first time in the Ice Cream truck that doubles as your work place and home.

I mean, do women actually respond to that line about being filthy rich? You know that if they do contact you, that's the only thing they have go to on, so it must be the driving factor in their intentions. But where you don't write anything else, or put any pictures, the only thing one can surmise about RICKYBOBBY13 is that he's either a pathological liar, or that he really is filthy rich, but is so tired of the dating/relationship scene, that he's willing to say that one line and just have the women come to him so that he can sort them out.

You see this? I'm perplexed. I'm generally really good at reading people, and while I get the feeling that you're sarcastic and blunt, I think you must have written this just as an experiment. Kind of a joke. To see what kinds of responses you'd get. Yes?

So...I'm dying of curiosity. What do women say to that?!!

Wait. I just had a break through. Your whole profile is bogus, huh?! You don't have a doctorate. You're not 6' 4. Etc. Well if all you wanted was to create an anonymous profile so that you could check out the meat market, why did you blatantly make stuff up on your profile? Most guys at least just leave it blank, and then you know that they've only made the bare-bones profile so that they can scan the waters.

You caught me in a rare mood this morning RICKYBOBBY13. And I wouldn't have written to you at all except that I can see that you've looked at me about 8 times (which is a little disconcerting for us females..I must admit...to have a guy with no pictures and very little written about himself just checking you out repeatedly). I usually block those guys. So... you'll probably be blocked unless I hear back from you with some kind of brilliant, mind-numbing rebuttal within the next 24 hours. The End."

He'll probably be cross-eyed by the end of this, thinking I'm the most neurotic woman he's ever encountered, OR he will have lost interest after the first sentence and just hit "delete". It will be interesting if he responds. But I doubt he will. I think home boy is probably making some minor adjustments to his profile as we speak--probably changing his screen name all together so that I can't see his profile anymore. Muahaha. Now you're starting to see how my mind works...

(Okay, Laura...go take your drugs now...)

Online Dating Undercover: Part 18

Just in case you were wondering if I ended up going out with "Clark" this past weekend...I did not. Clark went out of town to go camping with...wait for it... his sons. Yes. He's divorced and has children. I don't know how I feel about that. Just meaning that, if he and I ever do get serious, do I want to deal with an ex-wife? Wait. Why did I even phrase that as a question? I DON'T want to deal with an ex-wife. The children are a no brainer. I love kids and have no problem with them.

And then there's the whole issue of 'Why did you get divorced in the first place?' They were married in the temple so, hello....we've got a world of ETERNAL ramifications to worry about here. But I'm jumping the gun. Clark and I haven't even met yet. I do believe a date is pending for this weekend. Once I meet him in person I'll know if I want to pursue anything further. And if I do...then the gloves will come off and we'll have a comin'-to-jesus meetin' about all kinds of things. Trust me. :)