Online Dating Undercover: Part 19

Oh my goodness. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I confuse myself. There's this dude named RICKYBOBBY13 who keeps looking at my profile. He has no photos, yet the limited information provided is encouraging: it says he's 6' 4", got his Doctorate, works for the airlines, is temple worthy, etc. However, the only line written in his whole profile is this: "I'm filthy rich and looking for a woman to spend my money."

And something about that just rubbed me the wrong way. Right? NO guy is just looking for a women to spend his money. Lies!! I mean, what's he trying to pull? So...being the sweet-minded pacifist that I am, I sent him the following message:

"I don't know if, by writing that, you're actually looking for a mindless, trophy wife who only wants to shop all day? Or if you're setting a trap for a blood-sucking gold digger, so that later you can really stick it to her when you drive up to meet her the first time in the Ice Cream truck that doubles as your work place and home.

I mean, do women actually respond to that line about being filthy rich? You know that if they do contact you, that's the only thing they have go to on, so it must be the driving factor in their intentions. But where you don't write anything else, or put any pictures, the only thing one can surmise about RICKYBOBBY13 is that he's either a pathological liar, or that he really is filthy rich, but is so tired of the dating/relationship scene, that he's willing to say that one line and just have the women come to him so that he can sort them out.

You see this? I'm perplexed. I'm generally really good at reading people, and while I get the feeling that you're sarcastic and blunt, I think you must have written this just as an experiment. Kind of a joke. To see what kinds of responses you'd get. Yes?

So...I'm dying of curiosity. What do women say to that?!!

Wait. I just had a break through. Your whole profile is bogus, huh?! You don't have a doctorate. You're not 6' 4. Etc. Well if all you wanted was to create an anonymous profile so that you could check out the meat market, why did you blatantly make stuff up on your profile? Most guys at least just leave it blank, and then you know that they've only made the bare-bones profile so that they can scan the waters.

You caught me in a rare mood this morning RICKYBOBBY13. And I wouldn't have written to you at all except that I can see that you've looked at me about 8 times (which is a little disconcerting for us females..I must admit...to have a guy with no pictures and very little written about himself just checking you out repeatedly). I usually block those guys. So... you'll probably be blocked unless I hear back from you with some kind of brilliant, mind-numbing rebuttal within the next 24 hours. The End."

He'll probably be cross-eyed by the end of this, thinking I'm the most neurotic woman he's ever encountered, OR he will have lost interest after the first sentence and just hit "delete". It will be interesting if he responds. But I doubt he will. I think home boy is probably making some minor adjustments to his profile as we speak--probably changing his screen name all together so that I can't see his profile anymore. Muahaha. Now you're starting to see how my mind works...

(Okay, Laura...go take your drugs now...)