Oh boy

Huh. If ever a picture didn't match the description...
Meet WONDERBOY. I just got a flirt from him saying "I'm interested in you." Oh goodie. Lucky me. Here are some excerpts from his profile:

A little about me...
I am a 25 yr. old RM from the North Carolina Raleigh Mission. (Wait. That's where you're from--or that's where you served your mission?) I have been back for four years now. (Thank you for going the extra mile to point out that you've been home for 4 years. I figured that out when you said you were 25). I just graduated from college back in August with a B.S. in business administration. I am originally from Colorado and would love to move back there someday which will hopefully happen sooner than latter. (TYPO! The first...) I also hope to work for the United States Secret Service starting in a few years. (Really? REALLY? That's what 8-year-old boys say. Not realistic, Skippy. But it sounds impressive in your head doesn't it. Hey, I'd like to be a spy in the CIA someday, and I'm just gonna put it out there right now so that I never have a legitimate cover. And you think that's gonna happen in a few years? Good luck with that). I presently work doing security for concerts an sporting events, as well as a few "special" events in the Washington D.C. area. (Oh my. Aren't we all intrigued? I mean, I'm pretty sure I know what working security at concerts entails ---busting 16-year-olds smoking weed in the port-a-potties and what-not. But "special" events in Washington D.C.?! What on earth could that be? I'm sure he's a special advisor to the Chief of Security for the Capitol or something. I mean, if you put the word "special" in quotes, then obviously you're trying to convey that it's something secret and important. Don't you all just wish you knew what those "special" events were?)

How I feel about the Church...
Love it, would/am lost with out it. ******If you are NOT interested in me PLEASE just say so and I will not contact you****** I try to go to church every Sunday but sometimes work prevents me from doing so. (WHOA! Wait! What? I thought we were just talking about church. Did you just try to subliminal message me?!!)

What I do for fun...
(I'm just going to save you from the boring, clicheness of all his responses to this part.) Except for this: I can be a "rough and tough" guy on the outside but deep down in, I am a HUGE teddy bear. (Whew. Thanks for clarifying. Because looking at you, yah...I see a beast. A hulking 5' 7" creature of a man. A veritable monster, whom you would never believe could have a soft side.)


And now I'm asking myself why I pay a small monthly fee to subject myself to things like this. Wait, I know why. For your enjoyment. :) Anybody want me to hook you up with WONDERBOY? I see great things in his future! Like top secret port-a-potties.

Off the burner

I know! I know. Where have I been? You've been missing my eloquent, witty diatribes aimed at members of the opposite sex--specifically, those on the good ol' LDS Dating website. Will you forgive me if I tell you that I've been ridiculously busy, working two jobs, arranging to move into another apartment, interviewing at any number of places on a weekly basis, caring for a spoiled rotten cat, and trying to maintain my sanity? Naturally, romance went on the back burner. I almost cancelled my membership a few moments ago, but...I just can't do it. This online dating world just gives me way too much good material.

So...I've been out of the loop for a while, but I wanted to let you know that I'm about to hop back in there. I'm going to scroll through the new members and send out my little feelers. See what comes back. Stay tuned... :)

DECEIT!!!

I haven't been a very diligent cyber-dater lately. I apologize. So this week I logged on to see who'd been checking me out and if I had any messages, and while I was online, I got a chat request from someone. So I shrugged and opened the chat window. It turned out to be a guy that I'd never seen before named...we'll call him Max. So Max and I chatted for a while, and we automatically seemed to click, having the same sense of humor (which is HUGE for me). While we're talking, I opened up his profile so I could get a better feel for who I was talking to, and of course see what he looks like. Max only has one picture posted, but it's cute! Very appealing to me, because he looks big and burly and huggable. Perfect. He lives in another state, but apparently he has family here, so its very likely that we could meet someday.

I had to cut the conversation short, but before I did, he asked for my regular email address, and gave me his. Now, in giving me his email address, Max also revealed his last name, and being that I am my mother's daughter...I knew I immediatley had to Google him. Aren't you proud, Mom? :) I found Max's myspace page. And on that page I found Max's picture. Max's current picture. And...my smile faded. It looks like Maxie boy posted an old, more flattering picture of himself on the dating website (shocker) and a current, realistic picture on his myspace.

I'm disappointed, okay? The dude on myspace is NOT attractive to me. In fact, I do believe I made an audible noise, something close to, "Ew". Yes. True story. So I'm turned off to Max now because he's doing some false advertising. I'm not just gonna pull the plug like that, and maybe the myspace picture is the old one, but I don't really think that's the case.

Shallow? I don't think so. You know what you're attracted to and what you're not attracted to. Here. Here are the two pictures I'm talking about. This is who I thought I was talking to:

















Cute! Right? And this is who I was really talking to:


















Tell me you're not with me.

More glorious mug shots!

Snippets

So since my date last week, I've kind of taken a break from the website. I decided to call it quits with Clark the Texter (no chemistry) and take a little breather. Don't worry. I'll hop back in there this week and whip up some action with some lucky boy or other. But in the meantime, for your enjoyment, I thought I'd give you a little taste of some of the stuff these men write in their profiles...


“I like comedies. I like laughing. I enjoy good food. I also enjoy dives. I just saw the movie UP. I don't think I can handle anybody else's kids.”
--AWAKEINSEATTLE

"Im quite eloquent and rather lazy."
--POODLER

"A connoisseur of humanity, I savor the individual charisma of the good in the many unique differences of character and personality in people. My personality is... Thought it'd be that easy? Then you truly have been lulled by the sultry sirens of the modern, give me everything now, world in which we live. You may be more successful in depicting the Sistine Chapel or Beethoven’s 5th in 1250 chars. Per chance, can you describe a gourmet meal in the like and do it justice. No, my personality portrait you must paint in the broad and narrow strokes of interaction! Adventuresses, do you dare? If you are not so blinded by the destination that you lose touch to the beautiful nuances of the journey, I invite you to come discover an undiscovered country! You may just make a friend. You may just...”
--ZENITH

"Alright sisters, I'm just going to put this out there. The experts have said that the secret to a happy marriage is for women to choose a partner that is less atractive than themselves. I hearby volunteer my services to all you...."
--BLACKCLOUD

"need a women who will accept me as i am now, and understand im interested in marriage, the future will get better if we follow christ together and lets make a big family"
--CHRISLAWMAN

**And my personal favorite...

"any women out there not sucked in by the disease of Twilight? if so let me know"
--SCARYBONES

Online Dating Undercover: Part 20

DATE #2

So this past weekend I had my second face-to-face date with one of these online blokes. It was okay. Not horrible, not stellar. Just okay. It was with Clark the texter, who turned out to be really nice and who had a great sense of humor. Which I had already ascertained from our various communications pre-date. But just like with my first date (a few weeks ago with DEPUTYDOG), I discovered that a little of his personal appearance stats had been fudged. i.e. Clark's profile claims he's 6' tall, but in my 2 inch wedges, we were almost at eye-level. And I'm 5' 4". Lame.

I mean, I amended my profile a while back and made sure that my pictures are a combination of like head shots and body shots, so that these guys know what they're getting into--and that home girl's got some curvy girth (that's a good term, huh?).

Anyway, for me the deciding factor was that I had absolutely no physical attraction to him. Which was the same with the last guy too, except that Clark had loads more personality. So...I'm done with him. We can still chat a little if he wants, but I'm ready to keep on moving.

Yeehaw!

Part 19 Follow-Up

So...it's been a few days since I sent RICKYBOBBY13 my friendly--okay, my blistering email.

Sadly...there was no reply. Am I really that surprised? No. But I'll tell ya, 25% of me really wanted to get a scathing email back from a guy telling me, in no uncertain terms, that he really is filthy rich and that he's had such-and-such horrible experiences in the past, and that his reasons for writing that one line are completely justified, like its any of my business anyway, and that the other information written about himself is indeed factual, and Who do I think I am to attack him in such a manner!

I was kind of hoping for a little battle of wits and words! Darn. I can tell that RICKYBOBBY13 hasn't logged onto the website since the day after I sent my message. Conclusion: all of my suspicions were correct!!--and he abandoned this profile and created a new one, where I can't find him. Hahahahaha!

Oh, sigh...It's the little things that make life fun! "Meanie...sneakie...Jump at you! Bite at you!" (That's a quote from Cinderella, in reference to the pompous, wicked, fat cat, Lucifer).