Not interested

So two guys tried to start chats with me tonight, but I just wasn’t feeling it. One was DARTHTATER, an obese comedian from West Virginia, who never finished high school and is now 35 years old; and GUNSLINGER, a 30 year old divorcee, with 2 kids, a receding hairline, and horrendous grammar. Lucky me. I tried to humor GUNSLINGER for a bit, but just couldn’t do it. He was asking me questions and I thought, ‘You know what? I don’t want him to know what I do, or where I work’. Bless his little gun-toting heart. Seriously, if you don’t live in Arizona and we don’t have the option to meet, then it’s a waste of my time. I have to MEET a guy to know if he’s in the running. You know? Now…if GUNSLINGER said he was independently wealthy and could fly out to see me any time he wanted, then I might give him a second thought. Well…maybe not. I’m still not sure how I feel about divorced dudes. I suppose I’ll have to consider those on a case by case basis. Anyway, I just wasn’t in the mood to chit-chat with someone I won’t have the chance to meet.

Sidenote: One of my friends is on the same dating site as me and guess what?—She’s seeing a guy she met online! So…with her permission, we’ll have to track her status… :)

I'm baaaack

So I've been out of the online-dating scene for a while, and man--I tell you what--I have been missing out! Here...don't believe me? This is what you've been missing out on too...

I'm jumping back into this scene so that I can bring to you my exciting intrigues. Stay tuned. :)

Sabbatical

Well, as you've probably noticed...I haven't posted anything in quite some time. I'm too busy with multiple jobs at the moment (unfortunately---or, I guess, considering the economy, I should say fortunately). But I shall return again! In due course. With a vengeance. These boys won't know what hit 'em. Again. :)

Till we meet again ladies...

Oh boy

Huh. If ever a picture didn't match the description...
Meet WONDERBOY. I just got a flirt from him saying "I'm interested in you." Oh goodie. Lucky me. Here are some excerpts from his profile:

A little about me...
I am a 25 yr. old RM from the North Carolina Raleigh Mission. (Wait. That's where you're from--or that's where you served your mission?) I have been back for four years now. (Thank you for going the extra mile to point out that you've been home for 4 years. I figured that out when you said you were 25). I just graduated from college back in August with a B.S. in business administration. I am originally from Colorado and would love to move back there someday which will hopefully happen sooner than latter. (TYPO! The first...) I also hope to work for the United States Secret Service starting in a few years. (Really? REALLY? That's what 8-year-old boys say. Not realistic, Skippy. But it sounds impressive in your head doesn't it. Hey, I'd like to be a spy in the CIA someday, and I'm just gonna put it out there right now so that I never have a legitimate cover. And you think that's gonna happen in a few years? Good luck with that). I presently work doing security for concerts an sporting events, as well as a few "special" events in the Washington D.C. area. (Oh my. Aren't we all intrigued? I mean, I'm pretty sure I know what working security at concerts entails ---busting 16-year-olds smoking weed in the port-a-potties and what-not. But "special" events in Washington D.C.?! What on earth could that be? I'm sure he's a special advisor to the Chief of Security for the Capitol or something. I mean, if you put the word "special" in quotes, then obviously you're trying to convey that it's something secret and important. Don't you all just wish you knew what those "special" events were?)

How I feel about the Church...
Love it, would/am lost with out it. ******If you are NOT interested in me PLEASE just say so and I will not contact you****** I try to go to church every Sunday but sometimes work prevents me from doing so. (WHOA! Wait! What? I thought we were just talking about church. Did you just try to subliminal message me?!!)

What I do for fun...
(I'm just going to save you from the boring, clicheness of all his responses to this part.) Except for this: I can be a "rough and tough" guy on the outside but deep down in, I am a HUGE teddy bear. (Whew. Thanks for clarifying. Because looking at you, yah...I see a beast. A hulking 5' 7" creature of a man. A veritable monster, whom you would never believe could have a soft side.)


And now I'm asking myself why I pay a small monthly fee to subject myself to things like this. Wait, I know why. For your enjoyment. :) Anybody want me to hook you up with WONDERBOY? I see great things in his future! Like top secret port-a-potties.

Off the burner

I know! I know. Where have I been? You've been missing my eloquent, witty diatribes aimed at members of the opposite sex--specifically, those on the good ol' LDS Dating website. Will you forgive me if I tell you that I've been ridiculously busy, working two jobs, arranging to move into another apartment, interviewing at any number of places on a weekly basis, caring for a spoiled rotten cat, and trying to maintain my sanity? Naturally, romance went on the back burner. I almost cancelled my membership a few moments ago, but...I just can't do it. This online dating world just gives me way too much good material.

So...I've been out of the loop for a while, but I wanted to let you know that I'm about to hop back in there. I'm going to scroll through the new members and send out my little feelers. See what comes back. Stay tuned... :)

DECEIT!!!

I haven't been a very diligent cyber-dater lately. I apologize. So this week I logged on to see who'd been checking me out and if I had any messages, and while I was online, I got a chat request from someone. So I shrugged and opened the chat window. It turned out to be a guy that I'd never seen before named...we'll call him Max. So Max and I chatted for a while, and we automatically seemed to click, having the same sense of humor (which is HUGE for me). While we're talking, I opened up his profile so I could get a better feel for who I was talking to, and of course see what he looks like. Max only has one picture posted, but it's cute! Very appealing to me, because he looks big and burly and huggable. Perfect. He lives in another state, but apparently he has family here, so its very likely that we could meet someday.

I had to cut the conversation short, but before I did, he asked for my regular email address, and gave me his. Now, in giving me his email address, Max also revealed his last name, and being that I am my mother's daughter...I knew I immediatley had to Google him. Aren't you proud, Mom? :) I found Max's myspace page. And on that page I found Max's picture. Max's current picture. And...my smile faded. It looks like Maxie boy posted an old, more flattering picture of himself on the dating website (shocker) and a current, realistic picture on his myspace.

I'm disappointed, okay? The dude on myspace is NOT attractive to me. In fact, I do believe I made an audible noise, something close to, "Ew". Yes. True story. So I'm turned off to Max now because he's doing some false advertising. I'm not just gonna pull the plug like that, and maybe the myspace picture is the old one, but I don't really think that's the case.

Shallow? I don't think so. You know what you're attracted to and what you're not attracted to. Here. Here are the two pictures I'm talking about. This is who I thought I was talking to:

















Cute! Right? And this is who I was really talking to:


















Tell me you're not with me.

More glorious mug shots!